Dear Friend,

It’s funny, I have thought through your message often over the last couple of weeks, and as I’ve worked through my response, a different situation came up that brought up old feelings of hurt that I had to work through in my own heart regarding forgiveness and so I didn’t want to respond until I prayed through my own stuff – and so my prayer is that what I send your way will continue to be worked out in my own life as well as give you some hope in your own situation.

I know that your message carries so much more hurt than what can be shared through a typed message, but I wanted to thank you first for trusting me with that painful part of your history that has carried over into your present. I’ve been praying for you often since you shared and will continue to do so. 

As to your question about whether or not you can let this situation go while “bitterness still festers in your heart” – I think there are a couple of thoughts about that:

In Luke 17, Jesus is clearly talking about the last days, but in v. 42 He says, “Remember Lot’s wife. Whoever seeks to preserve His life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.” And Philippians 3: 12-14 says, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

As Christian women, we are to be fixing our eyes on Jesus and the race that is set before us. By turning back and looking at what she was leaving behind, Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt – her children lost their mother, and her husband lost his wife – by choosing to look disobediently at*what was*, she essentially lost everything. And I know in my own life, I can see seasons where I have done this, and by looking at what hurt me, and choosing to fixate my thoughts on memories and pain, I took joy away from what and who Jesus had given me in the *here and now*. That doesn’t mean that what was in the past is pointless or can never be addressed, but if our focus is there, we are choosing the hardening of our hearts.

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” Colossians 3:1-4 – I keep these verses close when I am tempted to become angry at things that have happened in my past that still carry consequences – Being with Christ Jesus when this life is over is worth any pain and suffering, I go through *now* - even if I will never understand why. *Even if* I never hear an apology.

Which leads me to the story of Joseph in Genesis. Betrayed and mistreated in horrific ways for decades, Joseph’s heart remained tender. I heard once that there can be no forgiveness offered without an apology given, but the one who has been offended can submit their hurt to God and pray for a soft heart towards the offender – and I think we can see that in Joseph’s life – the years of imprisonment and suffering didn’t make him hard, it kept him ready to offer mercy and forgiveness when his brothers realized who he was. His gaze was on the long term – “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Genesis 50:20.

 One last thing – you have carried a lot of pain and hurt and you have been hurt terribly by someone that was a dear friend, and that is a wound that runs extremely deep – but if I can encourage you to find comfort in the sweet truth that Jesus experienced the same, “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. When He was reviled, He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly.” 1 Peter 2:21-23. He is our example in how to walk this out, and He will lead and guide you through this – and the beautiful thing, that may not be easy to see right now, is that *He* works all things out for our good and His glory in *His* timing. (Romans 8:28)

I hope this helps a little bit – if you have any questions, or would like to talk more, I would love to chat over coffee! I’m praying for you and your heart, and that those involved would come to know Jesus as their merciful and forgiving Savior, and that as you work through all of this, that you would know Jesus deeply as your refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Love,

Kimberley